Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A Stupid List

This is a list of songs that I will sing at Karaoke. Notice how the songs get gayer as the drink total rises.

One drink (probably a rum and coke)-"Screw you. I'm not going to karaoke. It's gay."

Two drinks- "Okay, I'll go. But I'm not fucking singing."

Three-My Way Sinatra version

Four- Tubthumping

Five drinks (and one shot of Jägermeister)- I Will Survive
(Cake Version)

Five and a half drinks- Copacabana

Six drinks, two shots of Jäger, and one Long Island Iced Tea Once again, My Way, but this time I do it with a Julio Iglesias impression. Surefire crowd pleaser.

Seven drinks, two shots of Jäger, one Long Island Iced Tea, and two body shots of what I think was Aqua Velva- Lost in Your Eyes Yeah, fucking Debbie Gibson. Got a problem? Wanna fight about it, asshole? (I'm a belligerent drunk)

Eight drinks, two shots of Jäger, one Long Island Iced Tea, two body shots of what I think was Aqua Velva, and a whiskey sour that I thought was mine, but it turns out it was this giant biker's. However, we make up and we sing- I Will Survive The Gloria Gaynor version, together.

At this point, I try to sing this song back to back. I usually get halfway into it, before the bouncer tries to forcibly remove the microphone from me. I resist, which more than likely results in a crack across the temple. I then awake, several hours later, somewhere in Little Italy, eating pasta fazool with an elderly man named Giuseppe, and two of my friends are passed out in the poor man's bathroom (Yes, it's his home, not a restaurant. Don't ask, because I don't know the answer.)

I really hate going to karaoke. But I'm thinking about going this Friday night.

If only because the pasta fazool is fucking incredible!

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