Monday, May 26, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

You take the good with the bad, I suppose.

I don't want to write this. I want to go to bed. I want to lie down and never wake up again. I want to be as insignificant as I used to be. I want to be alone and depressed... that is when I'm truly happy, ironically enough. I am already tired of being a peon.. on the bottom rung again.

I busted my ass for 7 years to get a little respect, and my dirt bag junkie brother goes and throws it down the toilet. He moved to Florida to "get clean". Yeah. Interestingly, Florida is one of the easiest states to smuggle drugs into. But he's getting clean (He said in his most sarcastic tone).

Meanwhile, I'm stuck here truly getting myself clean, and hating every minute of it. I want to get high. I want it now. Don't care how. I'll fucking do whippits at this point. Anything to get normal again. I've been so addled with drugs for the last 12 years, I forgot what regular people's "normal" is.

And you know what? Other people's normal sucks. I like the person that I was. I was funny. I was interesting. I was the life of the party. What am I now? Pathetic, is the first word that comes to mind.

I just want to achieve some semblance of normalcy (my normal, not yours). And right now, I am as far away from normal as I can get. I'm milquetoast. I'm the same as everybody else. I'm nobody. I'm just a guy. Someone easily dismissed and just as easily forgotten in a matter of seconds.

I need to do some thinking. Sorry to lay this on you, blogosphere. I needed to say it somewhere other than inside my head.

{exasperated sigh}

I wish I could just crawl into bed and die already.

I've been fucking up...
Big time.

And there's no one else to blame this time.
The fucking onus is on me.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!

For all you moms out there, I dedicate this... to you.

Those of you with teenagers totally get this. All of you with toddlers- well, you'll figure it out.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

See, it was a muti post day! By the way, bad news...

It is not midnight yet. This is technically a multi post day. I'm not a total liar. Truth is, I'm not really sure what to say. There's a lot happening. I think... I need a few weeks away. I need to reprogram. Stop thinking about it and just stay away from the Internet.

But I will be back. Probably with an overhaul of the site. I've had a few ideas as to the direction of this blog, which was heretofore rudderless and drifting aimlessly in a sea of mildly amusing anecdotes.

Some time will allow me to gather myself and ultimately allow me to achieve my real goal for this blog. That being, Unquestioned Lord and Ruler to all the World.

Needless to say, that plan is in its formative stages, and may be even years away from coming to fruition.

I hope you don't abandon me while I take my respite and revive myself from the creative coma I have been wasting away in recently. I couldn't blame you if you did. And if you do, OK then.

But if you hang around, who knows? You may get to bear witness to my bloody rise to the top of the planet's power structure. I could use some murderous emissaries, if any one's looking for some quick cash. Must be a motivated self starter who is proficient in Word, Excel, Photoshop, and have a highly attuned knowledge of the Black Arts.

Anyway, I will see you all in a few weeks. The site may disappear for a day or two when I decide to return and relaunch later this month. The address will not change. No need to worry about that (I know you were. Admit it.).

Oh, and to answer a few questions raised in the comments section 1) Dawn, the race tickets aren't free. We just have access to good seats. Give me $300 and you can have the tickets. And 2) Sra, re: my voodoo magic with the blogroll. Well, I suppose I can share my secret. For you see, unlike others who erroneously claim to have done it, I actually did invent the Internet. I can manipulate it anyway I see fit, using only the power of my mind. Telekinesis is the new black.


You don't believe me? Okay, would you believe it if I told you...Oh, I don't know... that it's only available on the new Blogger Draft version. So all of you schmoes using something else can just SUCK IT! Teach you to leave Blogger. I mean, it's fucking Google! All hail King Goo-gol.

(This is how I will take over the world; using Google's massive popularity to its own detriment. I will ingratiate myself into its inner circle and...

I fear I've said too much already. )

I'll see you... in the future.

I'd much rather piss off the Pope than piss off Jesus.

The Prodigal Blogger returns.

And this feels like a multi post day. Yes, it certainly does.

I've been neglectful of you, blogosphere. I've been far too tied up in my own wheelings and dealings to worry about you, and your millions of bloggers. I mean, what will the internet do without me there to comment on the inanities and absurdities of everyday life? I fear trouble afoot.

So I must put a post on my site quickly before the Thought Police come and lay the hammer down on me.

Hmm, Thought Police. That's good. Mental Note: Write a book with the bad guy being the Thought Police. Perhaps set it in the future. Working title-- In the future, everyone can hear you think-- or something like that.


Moving on.

So, it was time for my walk today, and I received a sign from God. No fooling. ME! The dingleberry, Floyd, and I were walking in front of the Immaculate Heart of Mary Church this morning. As we approached the walkway he looked like he was preparing to do what he usually does: which is this. So he was all prepared, he had the squat going and he was ready to drop. And I, Adam, your favorite faithless heathen, had a momentary crisis of conscience. I know. Shocking. But do I let him take a shit right on the from lawn, while there is obviously a service going on inside the church? I think the clincher was, I looked over and I was staring right in the face of Jesus on the cross. I couldn't allow it. I tugged Floyd's leash and led him away from the church.

He stopped about 30 feet later and did what he had to do. You can't stop nature once you start it. All I wanted to do was delay it a few minutes, but to no avail. He was still shitting right in front of the Rectory, but for some reason, that didn't seem to bother me as much.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

You're not getting rid of me that easily

Hey hey hey! (He said doing his best Dwayne from What's Happening? impression)

The Flowbots- Handlebars

The rumors of my demise were only mildly exaggerated.
I am, in fact, still alive and well.
But I'm tired.
And I'm muse-less.
I've lost my muse, is what I'm saying.

I have spent so much time worrying about work,
And trying to get my life back together,
I've unfortunately had to jettison some really fun things.
Like blogging, for instance.
And staying up past 10:00 PM.

Floyd is especially pissed at me.
I've been so tired,
I haven't walked him once this week.
He's going stir crazy,
Because I've been there every single day,
For the last few months.
He got spoiled basically.

He's depressed, and he won't eat.
He spends all day (I'm presuming here)
Curled up in a ball waiting my arrival.
I believe this because he takes my slippers
And lays with them behind the couch,
At least he's that way when I peek in the window.
So call me crazy,
But I think he misses me.
The poor, misguided fool.
He should be celebrating,
Not moping.

He's finally free!
He can lick his crotch as long as he wants,
And I'm not there to scream,
He can lay in the sun all day,
And then go lay in the shade,
And then go lay in the sun,
And then go lay in the shade.
And then go...

Safe to say,
I am going to do my best to integrate a few hours a week,
To do some blogging.
I enjoy it too much to go cold turkey.
And I'm sure after I get acclimated to the new schedule,
I'll be back on a regular timeline.
I'll do my best.

The one thing I find cool about being on the road
Is listening to more radio than I have recently.
That first song was from the Flowbots,
And their album will "drop" in a few months,
I suggest picking it up when it does.

Another band I've fallen in love with is Vampire Weekend.
A very interesting sound.
Very different than anything out there right now.
I'm a little late on discovering them,
So I could be called a bandwagoner,
But I don't care.
I like them,
And I want to share them with you.

Oxford Comma


Mansard Roof

That's all for now.
My apologies to anyone I've neglected via email recently, too.
Don't worry,
I'm on it.