Sunday, March 23, 2008

Pack rat? Me? Noooo!

Here is an incomplete list of some of the things I found while cleaning my basement.

Hockey stick- Whaaaa? Anyone who knows me knows I am utterly uncoordinated. So hockey was never really my sport of choice. But how did I come into possession of a stick? Good question. I was a drug abuser years ago, and also a big fan of flea markets. A dangerous combination.

Copy of Ferris Bueller's Day Off... on Beta- Beta? WTF? What is this, 1985?

Lava lamp and black light bulb- Far out. I wish I could find my poster with all the mushrooms and pot leaves. Trippy shit, man.

Copy of Edgar Allan Poe's Complete Works- Awww, sweet!

Gold Bond Medicated Foot Cream- And you thought I didn't know how to party anymore. Shows what you know.

Acoustic Guitar- One whole year of lessons, and I can play the first three bars of The Troggs Wild Thing. Money (and obviously time) well spent.

Videotapes of my acting days- You mean I have a copy of "The Great Cowtown Bank Robbery" of my very own? Damn, I was a great narrator. And seriously, I found my copy of me as Bottom in "A Midsummer Night's Dream". I would have killed to play Puck. Man, I would have been so awesome. Not that I'm bitter about it (anymore).

Flannel bathrobe- I was an old man even at 20.

Three seperate vacuum cleaners, all broken- Obviously I have the inability to throw anything out, ever. Who knows when I may need one of the attachments from one of those things?

My copy of Nation of Nations- This was my AP History book from my senior year in high school. I "lost" it and had to pay $68 in order to get my diploma. You think I might be able to return it and get my 68 bucks back?

Two Norman Rockwell prints, and a painting of a dead tree- Obviously I have impeccable taste in Art. I fear these may also be a byproduct of stoned flea market trips. However, all three pieces are now currently hanging in my bedroom.

A set of 20 pound dumbells and a set of 50 pound dumbells- OK, I get the 20's. But the 50's? What am I? Schwarzenegger? I had trouble even moving them into a corner I'm so feeble.

Countless T-Shirts I thought I had lost forever or had been pilfered by friends and family- Oh, dude, my "Where's the Beef" T-shirt with the arrow pointing toward my crotch. Can you say "Wearing to my next job interview," children? I knew you could.

A complete collection of Frank Sinatra's films I had bought in High School during a pot induced mania- It's still a sweet buy, even if it was a little on the impetuous side. I mean, $140? And it's on VHS! I don't even own a VCR anymore.

A VCR!- HUZZAH! Unfortunately, after hours of looking, no power cord. FUCK!

All in all, a pretty decent haul. And this was only a selection of the shit I found. I'm probably most excited about the foot cream. I got a corn that's just aching for that stuff. Does that make me sound old? I don't care.


Loralee Choate said...

An ex-boyfriend was named Adam. You are a lot like him. It's a little freaky, actually. His moniker was "Adam the Great" AND he also played Bottom in MSND

I was a Helena girl, myself but I hear you about wanting to play Puck. He always gets all the love.

Adam said...

holy frickin' coincidences, batman!

when i first tried out for MSND i was cast as demetrius. what a shit role. it seems like it should be important, but it isn't. ("no small parts..." blah blah blah)

"tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, for i am sick when i do look on thee." oh, demetrius, you charmer.

but the guy who played bottom dropped out, and i usurped the role. it's a great role, don't get me wrong. but come on. what actor worth his salt wouldn't want to give robin goodfellow a try?

Loralee Choate said...

My personal favorite line of all time came from my role in that show.

"Beat me, chain me, use me as your spaniel!"


Adam said...

see, my favorite wasn't even mine. it was titania. after the spell ws broken.

"Methought I was enamored of an ass!"

cause i mean, 400 years later, and wasn't that true of all of us at one time or another?

just adding to the freakish coincidence portfolio, your favorite line is directly lead in by the line that i quoted before.