Thursday, April 10, 2008

Dog Day Afternoon

To Whom It May Concern:

Attention, all dog owners. I would like to express my wishes to you that you do not walk your dogs while Adam and I are walking. It is most distracting. How can I be expected to concentrate on where other dogs have defecated if I must constantly be pulling Adam from one side of the street to the other because you are there with your dog.

It would be most appreciated if you could keep your walking hours between 8AM and 3 PM, as before and after these hours are when I am out and about. And please don't bark at me if we do happen to pass on the street. It will only cause me to get upset, and I will then run at you. And Adam, having the world's fastest reflexes, will snap my leash and in the process, I will get choked out. It's not really as fun as it looks on Ultimate Fightng. So if we could just avoid that, I'd be grateful.

Oh, and neighborhood cats: I want to eat you. Well, maybe not eat you, but grab your neck and thrash it back and forth until your lifeless body hangs limp in my grinning maw. So, please, stay away. I am not interested in being put down, and you are a one way ticket to doggy heaven.



P.S. Knibb High Football rules!


Girl Interrupted said...

Perhaps you could help me delve into the psychosis of my devil dog? He can escape from any type of fence like contraption. He can jump really high. He wants to play constantly and doesn't know how to entertain himself one bit. He has more energy than the energizer bunny. He is super cute but super demanding and unruly. he jumps and play bites constantly, I can't empasise this enough. His teeth or his tongue are always on me or destroying something else. I really need to get a picture of him wearing my daughters bras and post them. He is obsessed with her bras and he gets himself tangled in them and ends up wearing them, one cup on his back and one on his belly with his head through the straps. Any help aside from shipping him off to military school would be appreciated, I'm too much of a softy for that. Maybe I should teach him to blog and you could counsel him?


Floyd said...

Hmmmmm. Well, let me start by saying this: I hate your dog. Please take no offense to this, as I hate most all other dogs that don't live next door to me.

That being said, your dog sounds remarkably similar to me when I was a young pup. Let me tell you the way they curbed my hyperactivity: they neutered me. Yeah, I was a big fan of that.

Hyperactivity is caused by prolonged periods of loneliness. Us dogs need something to do during the day when you are not around. Perhaps try leaving the televison on the Animal Planet for the day. And maybe a good long walk when you arrive home would sap a little bit of his energy.

As for his bra fetish, I can't help you there. Either consult an animal psychiatrist or the Dog Whisperer.

I hope I have been able to help in some small way.