So I had a bad week. Arduous, one could even describe it as.
I don't imagine that all is going to end.
But, I've had some time to consider what happened.
And I'm still not happy.
But looking back, I've never been happy, really.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy.
Maybe what I think happiness is,
Is really some ridiculous, idealized version of my life
That I can never even hope to attain.
Maybe my real happiness lies in what it is I have....
Right here. Right now. This life. This is "happiness".
It may not fit a conventional definition of the word,
But it's the closest I'm going to get to it.
I just have to start thinking in a positive manner.
Stop thinking that I'm the only person in the world who feels shitty sometimes,
Because, obviously, I'm not. Everybody feels sad.
We all get these horrible, twisted feelings that we don't even wish to verbalize.
We all have demons that haunt us.
Maybe the ability to supress these demons is the first step.
The first step towards a happy ending.
I just have to start looking at the world with a whole new attitude.
Everything is beautiful. We make our own luck.
Living happily is possible if we just believe it's possible.
I would rather swallow turpentine than live like that.
Truth is, I like my demons. I get my demons.
They're always there when I'm looking for them.
They may not be the best "houseguests" in the world,
But they're mine. Like it or not. I'm fucked up.
And you're fucked up.
But we're all fucked in completely different ways.
And in a sick, perverted way,
That makes me a little happy.