My dearest Winter,
Well hello there. I know we haven't seen much of each other in the last few weeks. I've been enjoying the sun again. Playing basketball, practicing chipping in the backyard, even doing a little yard work. But then, out of nowhere, this morning you come barging back into my life. I don't really appreciate it. You have to accept it, Spring and I are in the throes of a torrid love affair. And you are just not welcome here anymore. I mean, what are you even doing still hanging around? Easter was last week, for crying out loud! Can't you take a hint. We even had it moved up to try and convince you further.
I know you mean well. But... I don't know. The timing just isn't right. And we aren't a very good match. You're cold and unwelcoming. While I'm more of a sunny disposition type of guy. Suffice it to say, it's not you... it's me.
So, if you wouldn't mind, please stop trying to contact me. Stop "accidentally" meeting up with me when I'm trying to clear brush out back. There's nothing wrong with you. I've just... I've moved on as a person. You're too cold for me. You're unfeeling. Discontented. Yes, that's it. You are my winter of discontent.
I want you to be happy again, like when we were younger. I want both of us to be happy. But that can never happen if you don't leave me. If you don't take some time away and try to get back in touch with yourself. In touch with that season I first fell in love with so long ago.
Go. You need to spread your wings. Maybe take a trip to Australia. Or South America. Somewhere in the southern hemisphere, is what I'm driving at. And maybe (and this is a BIG maybe), if you can prove to me that you've changed, maybe then we can try to work things out. But I just need time. Eight months or so, preferably.
But if you try and contact me again before Thanksgiving, then you can just forget about reconciliation. Because we are through.
And I will do everything in my power to eradicate you from my life. Excessive use of hydrocarbons- check. A heavily advertised campaign to bring back CFCs- check. Massive amounts of littering- check. I will personally go to the Arctic and melt the polar ice caps with a blow torch if necessary.
So please, just leave me alone for the time being. Leave me, and everyone associated with me to our own devices. We both know it's for the best. I will always love you. But I need some space away from you right now. Please take care of yourself. And know that in the dog days of August, when I'm on my fourth shirt at 10 in the morning because I have already sweat through the previous three, I will be thinking of you.
With all my love and affection,
Your dearest Adam
P.S. My lilac bush would also appreciate your leaving.