Got caught today. Doing what? Oh, nothing. Seriously. Nothing at all. OK, but you have to promise you won't say anything to anyone... and I mean a-ny-one! No, you have to promise first.
That's not good enough. Repeat after me: I, state your name, (And don't pull the old saying "state your name" bullshit. Just say your name.) hereby promise to never utter a solitary word of what I am about to read. And if I break the aforementioned promise, I consent to allow the proprietor of this website to kill my cat, or dog or hamster. (I'm quite open to killing any small animal. Try me.)
OK. I got caught..... listening to Carrie Underwood. There, I said it. Are you happy? Sick sons of bitches.
Who is anybody to judge what I listen to? Especially this guy. He's someone who listens to NASCAR races on the radio! I mean, how is that fun? "OOH, listen to those cars. I can almost hear 'em turning! Oh! They turned again! Hooo-eeee!" Ludicrous. But he gives me shit for listening to a little feel good Carrie Underwood. OK. There is a distinct possibility I may, and I stress the word may have been singing it rather loudly. Loud enough to elicit a visit from my neighbor to bust my balls. I think he's totally in the wrong. Everybody has these guilty pleasures.
And by "guilty pleasures", I mean songs or artists who you willingly listen to, but if you were to pull up to a traffic light with it playing, you would immediately turn it down, so as not to encounter ridicule. Don't tell me you don't have anything you listen to that you are embarassed by. Because you're lying. Everybody has them.
And now, without further ado, I submit to you my list of guilty pleasures. This an incomplete list. These are just the least incriminating ones.
Carrie Underwood- Before he Cheats. Yes, this was the offending song. Got a problem?
Barry Manilow- Mandy. She was my first real girlfriend, and I used to sing it to her constantly. So I have an unnatural attachment to it.
Firehouse- Don't Treat Me Bad. Yeah.
The Carpenters- Superstar and Rainy Days and Mondays. I'm totally not gay. I promise.
Loggins and Messina- Danny's Song.
Eric Carmen- Make Me Lose Control.
Orleans- Dance With Me.
Blues Traveler- Hook. "Suck it in, suck it in, suck it in. If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn." Genius. Not to mention I'm a harmonica freak. Fuh-reak!
Phil Collins- Against All Odds. Hey, sometimes a guy just needs to cry. (I'm reminding you of the oath you took earlier.)
Avril Lavigne- Complicated. Oath!
And the ultimate guilty pleasure:
ABBA- Take a Chance on Me.
It took me like an hour to write this post. Not because it was difficult. But because I was forced to listen to every one of these songs all the way through. Some twice. Who forced me? My psyche. I guess I'm just a big girl inside. Who woulda thunk it? But I couldn't go about living a lie anymore:
I LIKE CRAPPY MUSIC! SO KILL ME!
So anybody have a guilty pleasure of their own they want to own up to?