Monday, March 3, 2008


So the meathead and I just got done taking a walk. And I noticed something that disturbed me. It was a normal walk. We took our usual route, about 2 miles. Any more and I start to hyperventilate (I'm woefully out of shape). So a few minutes into it, I noticed something on the ground. Well, Floyd noticed it. He was up ahead, and started sniffing the shit out of some trash on the ground. As I caught up to him, I noticed what it was. At first I thought it was one of those instant read thermometers. Boy was I wrong. It was a discarded pregnancy test.


But..... no, just ewww.

I hustled him away from it, and we continued our walk uneventfully, if not mildly grossed out. So about a mile into it, he starts sniffing some more shit on the side of the road. And as I get closer, I start to see what it is he's sniffing...

It's another fucking pregnancy test! WTF? This is disgusting! And not only the test. Three feet away was a used condom. Or I hope it was used anyway. Be a big waste if it wasn't, those things are getting mighty expensive. Although, not using the condom would necessitate the use of the pregnancy test. But I digress.

So I am lead to one of two conclusions:

1) Some girl who followed our exact route took two seperate pregnancy tests and then carelessly discarded them out the window of her car (or her pimp's, I suppose).

or 2) My town is inundated with whores who are fornicating on the side of the road.

Personally pulling for number 2, but either one scares me.

So I offer this advice to the girl so in need of prenancy tests: Buy in bulk. They're cheaper that way. Go to BJ's (haha. That would save on having to buy the test, too!) and buy a multipack. You will then save enough money to be able to splurge on some condoms. Or some RU-486 at least.

Think of the poor dog who is drawn to your... let's call it musk. I'm not letting his snout near me for a few days, that's for sure.


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