Sunday, April 13, 2008

To Rupert Murdoch, et al

Dear FOX Broadcasting Network,

My name is Adam Raymond. I am a casual viewer of your network. I enjoy maybe, oh, 30%of the crap you put on the air. I am just writing to thank you for last night.

I appreciate it soooo much that you cut out the last inning of the Boston Red Sox-New York Yankees game to go to the heavily anticipated NASCAR race. I can tell you one thing, there is nothing us north easterners love more than a good car race. And we certainly don't want to watch the ending of what was a very good baseball game between two teams who have been rivals for almost one hundred years. No, it was much better that way. It was like reading an Agatha Christie play, and finding out someone had ripped the last 3 pages out of the book. It just makes the mystery that much more mysterious.

Because, God forbid that the yokels who watch NASCAR should be forced to miss even one solitary moment of cars driving.... around a circle....the same circle..... over and over again. They may have missed some of the nuances.

And I mean, it's not like New York and Boston are two of the three largest television markets in the entire nation in terms of audience size. So by all means, go ahead and alienate them.

What's that? Oh.... Yeah, I'm being told they are the number two and the number three markets in the nation respectively. Soooo... Nice one.

Oh, and by the way, nice work too. When you cut away to the race, they immediately went to commercial. So, we were forced to scream at our television sets for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which being the incompetence of your programming division.

Now, I am not proposing a boycott of your network. Because Lord knows people need their four nights a week of American Idol. I would just hope in the future, you would be more considerate of the people who are watching your network. By that, I mean the ones who are NOT slack jawed dimwits preparing to spend a lovely Saturday evening of watching cars driving in circles, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon to excess, and probably beating their wives.

Thank you for being complete douchebags your future consideration,

Adam Raymond


Sra said...

NASCAR is the most pointless "sport" ever devised. Worse even than American Football.

Adam said...

"sport" is right. i mean, i can drive, where's my endorsement deal from Hardees?