Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Who knew work was

Hola amigos! You know what sucks most about work?


No, it's actually having little to no internet access. I'm back to working, and it is as crap-tastic as I remember it being. I'm not going to say what company I am working for, except for the fact that it is a national chain, it sells auto parts, and it rhymes with Barquest. But I'm not going to tell you any more.

The one thing that is good about this job is... well, the benefits are nice. But that's not what I was going to say. The one thing is hearing all the rednecks in there prattling on about their cars and telling stories no one wants to hear. Except maybe you, internet. You always listen to crazy, stupid stories.

I have a feeling the wonderful site Overheard in the Office is going to be a little richer for my experiences, is all I'm saying.

I will offer you a few of the "interesting" comments I've overheard, and a few things I need to get off of my chest. Sooooo... OK.

Fat guy (talking about the bad gas mileage of his car): I've got a lot of junk in the trunk.

Other fat guy: Oh, I've got nothing in the trunk,

{Cut to me trying to not burst out laughing from the back room.}

Young man looking for part in store: Oh, there it is. Don't mind me folks, I'm mildly retarded.

Police officer at counter: Town Hall is hiring!

These were just two of my favorites, but there are oh so many more.

Now, I must unburden myself of some things that have been bugging me. And I can't very well say them at work because well, I'm the new guy, and new guys don't get to complain.

To my new boss: Look, I know you're my boss and all, and I have to listen to what you have to say, but I listened to you go on and on about your parrots for 10 minutes now. Is it really necessary to go to your car and get some pictures for me to look at? I've seen a Macaw before. Yours is not much different than that one.

To the guy training me: Hey, old guy! I know I'm on the bottom rung of the ladder here, but don't you think that if I got here an hour before you, I should take lunch before you. That's just science, man. (Sorry for the dated Anchorman reference) Oh, and old guy? Would you mind not eating licorice all day and then breathing on me? And it's not Twizzlers, it's fucking licorice. BLACK licorice. God damn disgusting.

And finally, to the three guys who asked me today, including my boss twice: NO, I am not interested in going to the NASCAR race in New Hampshire next month. I don't care how close it is to the track, how much "fun" it is, how loud the engines are, how much beer you drink. I can think of a million things I would rather do than go to a race. Off the top of my head? I would rather have the old skin sewn back on to the tip of my penis and be re-circumcised than to go to a NASCAR race. But thank you for asking anyway.

OK. I'm glad I got that out. And I swear I'll have a real post for you guys by Thursday. Pinky swear.


Dawn said...

um, if they are offering you tickets,,,, Matthew would LOVE to see a race, and I would take him--- GRAB the tickets!!

Sra said...

I love black liquorice. Don't understand why it's not spelled lickerish, though.

I get here about an hour after the other secretary at the office, and so naturally she takes lunch first. That's just common sense. But I HATE it when she takes it late, so that I have to wait even longer, especially since when she does that, the time that I get to take lunch usually gets pushed into the busy time of day when all the attorneys get needy and some burden me with tasks. So sometimes it means I forgo my lunch altogether. And then I want to pop that other secretary's head off!

Sra said...

P.S. Please share secret of how your blogroll shows the title of the latest blog post.